DOOR CODE
the nightclub / a stonecold zombie with a look of shock on its face, the kind that happens when nocturnals get caught in the daylight / check that feeling / something about turned-off neon always does it for me, turns on the sadness, gets me thinking about where all the shine goes to / like it should’ve been raining, like it should’ve always been raining
what the hell
just this guy, you know, standing alone on ian curtis boulevard / sunday morning frozen, just gone nine / and even the moon has been left behind by the night, so careless, looking like a stain of bleach / like a close-up photo of how my head is feeling / oh please, I could do with some doghair right now / something wet to get the heart in tune, to keep my finger from shaking on the door buzzer / until this low-pitch squawk gets back to me
—who is it?
—I’m here to see donna
—who is it?
—it’s elliot, look…
—who is it?
oh shit, the door’s got nasty bouncer attitude / I only met this donna last night and I’m pretty sure she never mentioned a password
—who is it?
—shut the fuck up will yer, I’m thinking
—who is it?
I press my lips closer to the grille
—the bass player
* * * * *
STICKY STUFF
the door slides open, smooth as yer like / and I have maybe five seconds to get myself and the big case through before it closes again / closes like a bad-breath mouth around me / some kinda foyer, shuttered cloakroom to the left, ticket booth to the right / suddenly warm, like the building has a pulse beat / and no one around so I walk ahead, through into blank space
club zuum / the dance floor, shining away into the distance / heat-shivering
and dirty / with my shoes sticking to the spillage so much, feels like I can carry on walking, right up the walls, make out like a fly for the day / around the circle of the floor, where a couple of old ladies are cleaning up the plastic glasses, the cans, the swill, the vomit, the debris / I give the bomb squad a wave, and they look up and smile and wave back like a mirage / the club has that glazed ozone feel / molecules of evaporated sweat and perfume / the thousand-and-one come-ons still lingering, sticky ghosts of young desperate sex
—where’s the studio? I shout over
the women point me towards some steps / down / where a lone stiletto lies discarded, as though Cinderella has turned somewhat sluttish / a regular trash palace / along a corridor now / deserted / past offices all empty of life / maybe I got the wrong day or something
holy shit / what am I doing here? somebody tell me
just tracking down the traces / the sizzle and the traces of a stranger’s smile
when this big old domestic cat saunters out from one of the offices / a mangy, battle-scarred affair, all black and tattered fur / the flea magnet looks at me, like I’m a fool to even be here / and then waddles off down the corridor, flicking its tail like it owns the world
well what the hell / I follow / into another doorway
some fat guy standing near a kitchen counter, eating a breakfast burger
—what the fuck do you want?
—the studio?
—downstairs! down the fuckin’ stairs!
hey, nice people / I walk back into the corridor, thinking it’s maybe time to leave / no, really / when I see the cat again, sitting on its backside right next to a door / a wooden door this one, looks like a broom cupboard / open it / and there you go, more stairs, leading further downwards / into darkness / I look around for a light switch, find one / but it doesn’t work / of course it doesn’t / this is getting silly
the old cat’s looking at me / one eye is glued together with a clog of scum / the other’s giving me this real voodoo manic stare
ok, cat / let’s get to it
holding the case behind me, I follow the creature downwards / feeling for each step in turn / musty, cloying air / the damp on the walls meets the sweat on my skin / the drink being squeezed out of me / and down, and further down
some other kind of door at the bottom / no answer to my knocking / louder now, and still nothing / and then I swing the door open, letting the cat nip through my legs / I follow it through, into a recording suite / empty / a glass partition shows a room beyond / near darkness / but I can see people in there / at last / another door leads to them / I push it open
just standing there, holding the bass / looking through
* * * * *
HEAVY ON THE DOWNLOAD
oh yeah, I play the bass / the bass plays me / the four-stringed, thick-bellied, electrified monster, you know, the one that eats all other noises alive
and I’ve gone walking down these four strings most every hour of every day, of every year and every busted heartbeat, just trying to get along to where the last riff kisses the dark / the subsonic groove, we call it
dub culture / midnight’s vibration / something to reach for
some throat, some bottom, some neck and some deep clutch of riverpulse / gets you hot just strapping yourself into the thing / and the more you play, the hotter it gets, the slicker the slide / and all for nothing much because none of the songs you discover, ever come anywhere near to what you hear in your dreams
and I guess all that follows is about me taking a chance on the journey of the bass / and finally getting to reach the end of it / the end of the last tune, and what I find down there, in the grooves of the soul / and how come the music is always that one step beyond all the love you play it with / and how the bass ain’t got four strings at all
just when you think you’re getting the grip of it
how it’s got these other strings, invisible like / below the low, and deepcore / you gotta dive down underload to get a finger on them / and watch yourself doing it, watch yourself
those strings can pull you under, believe me
ah shit / believe me please
* * * * *
THE GLAMOUR
a room of smoke / with tiny lights glistening, red and green / instrument control patterns / figures in the gloom
—hey up
somebody speaks / turns on a lamp / the scene gets focused
three of them / two women, one man, seems like / and there I am, all eyes upon me
—you made it then?
it’s the voice / the smile / the one I’ve been following since last night / donna, that’s all I know / just this girl who came up to me after the gig, said she liked what I was doing with the beat and that she had a thing of her own going on, and maybe I could put some flavour to it
—just about, I answer
and who wouldn’t / who wouldn’t follow / round about nineteen, twenty at the most / check the style / the twisted nest of the hair-do / the tight capped tee-shirt / the tattoo on her arm, a playing card / and the dark dazzle of the skin / oh yeah, she’s black / kinda black / with the deep pool of the eyes / the big bold mouth, smeared with purple / all things about her filled to the brim / and so easy with the smile, it was there even when it wasn’t / but now it was, most definitely / and it’s aimed right at me
—what yer looking at? she asks
—you
—who the fuck’s this? says the other woman
—tommy, isn’t it? asks donna
ah shit, this girl is doing me down
—elliot
—come on then, elliot / don’t be shy
laughter
—yeah, fuck you as well
and then I step right into it / the studio, cramped to the walls with stuff / amps and mics and recording equipment / one entire wall, floor to ceiling, is vinyl records / the whole shebang wreathed in smoke / no outlet / ok, I’ve had a few thousand spliffs here and there, all down the line / but this is serious fog stew / gets me dizzy, just by breathing
now the woman who’s invited me, this donna, she’s leaning against an amp, smoking one of these rollmop constructions / smiles through the hit, and I smile right back when she holds out the joint to me
—no thanks
—what? she says / you don’t want any?
—not right now
—what’s wrong with yer?
—tell yer what / I wouldn’t mind a drink
now that gets her funny somehow / gets her looking around at the other two, with a feeling I can’t catch a hold of
—got this, she says
handing me a bottle of juice, like orange juice
—a drink I’m after
—it’s Sunday morning, she says
—yeah / and you’re at the dope already
—fuck me, says the other woman / we’ve got one here
—that you have / and what of it?
donna does the intros
herself/ the singer
the second woman, the one who just spoke up, she’s introduced as the dj, given the name jody / she’s sitting lonely behind a turntable deck, examining the grooves of a twelve-inch single / I get to see her frown one more time, that’s it / except / oh but the way she’s running her fingers over the vinyl surface, as though tracing / searching / feeling for buried treasure
now the guy / he’s lying on a small couch-bed affair, holding a pair of drumsticks / just tapping out some off-planet rhythm of his own / like, erm, the drummer I guess
donna nods towards him
—and this is 2spot, she says
2spot / well there yer go / neat black shirt, buttoned high to the neck / pale skin, drawn along the cheeks / high, dense sweep of blond hair greased back into a flattop quiff / sideburns sharpened, right down the groove of the bones / tough-nut style, but something a little bit fluffed about him, you know / a touch of the flowers / too sweet a smell, and a softness around him / like never a day’s work has been done / and maybe I’ve seen him around, maybe playing the drums somewhere, I don’t know / whatever, something coded passes between us / just in the brief nod he gives me / just that
and then donna points out the cat, curled atop an amplifier
—and this is gallagher, she says
—noel, or liam?
—paul, she says / and that’s the whole crew
meanwhile, the smoke’s really getting at me, bringing back stuff I don’t really need / so I take a swig of the juice offered / just to cool the throat of memories / and then donna says
—glam damage
—yer what?
—yeah, what do you think of that, as a name?
—well / I can see the glamour
looking at mad jody as I say this / and then at donna, adding
—and I can see the damage
the singer smiles deeply at the drummer / and then turns to jody
—there you go / he loves it / I told you so / I told you it was a good name
now this jody woman, she looks up at me, right at me / not a trace of expression
—you’re late, she says / supposed to be here at nine
—it’s what? I reply / twenty past?
—how would it be, if you turned up twenty minutes late / for a gig / how would that be?
—I got lost
—how would it be if you got lost?
—fuckin’ passwords and all that
—you get lost, on the way to a gig? would that be good?
—that wouldn’t happen / fuckin’ hell / what’s wrong with yer?
—yeah, come on jody, says donna / give him a chance
—you can fuck off as well
—oh, says jody / the guy’s got problems
—I’m getting pissed off, that’s all
so this jody stands up then / and for the first time I realise just what a specimen she is / a touch older than the other two, almost my age / but weird with it / I mean, there’s weird and weird, right / but jody was off the edge of normal and right along some / nothing to do with how she dressed, because that was scruff central, with a touch of couldn’t-give-a-monkey’s-tutu hippie shit / but her face, her whole manner, every last vein spoke of jitter, of flex, of what the fuck / body pinched shut, and so thin, the skin stretched taut over wire / black hair scraped to fit the skull, knife-edge whisper / and two of the coldest eyes that ever did view the world, I swear / they were eyes detuned, right through zero, and into the minus
reminds me of a bathroom mirror I once knew, the one I had to veil / turn to the wall / the peeling silver skin on the back of it / and that too, eventually, I could not dare approach
—you been here before? she asks
—what, down here?
—the zuum club?
—no
—you don’t like dance music?
—dance music, that’s what you do?
—kinda
—kinda?
—the next step, you know what I’m saying?
—fine / the next step / whatever
—how old are you?
—twenty-four
—twenty-four, and you don’t like dance music?
—ah, been off the scene a little / you know, out of it
—oh yeah, how far?
—what?
—how fuckin’ far have you been out?
—look / maybe I should go / eh?
—you backing out? says donna
—just wanna know what the score is, that’s all / I mean, you want a bass player / I am a bass player / I play the fuckin’ bass
—five or six bands, he’s in, says donna / right this moment
—five, six or seven bands, by the way
—nothing serious though, says donna / pub bands
—ooh, he’s played in bands before, says jody, with a darkside sneer / now us, you see, we ain’t played in any bands but this / this is a pure band
—no bands but this? how many gigs?
—no gigs
—together how long?
—together three months
—oh fuck me, a buncha babies / this really isn’t what I’m after, my friends
—just listen to us play, says donna / that’s all we want
I mean, tell me please, what would you do / come on, just to get the thing over and done and outa there / get myself some air, some proper juice inside me / some lube / some breakfast at the very least / so I give the nod, and
—right, says jody / scorched out for love / let’s do it
the drummer gets up from the lounger / this is a guy who hasn’t said one word to me / not one single word the whole time, not even to the other two / he gets up and just kinda slides into position behind the drum kit, sticks at the ready
well then, here we are / down to the wire
—crack it open, says jody
and the drummer hits the skin / down hard
the nightclub / a stonecold zombie with a look of shock on its face, the kind that happens when nocturnals get caught in the daylight / check that feeling / something about turned-off neon always does it for me, turns on the sadness, gets me thinking about where all the shine goes to / like it should’ve been raining, like it should’ve always been raining
what the hell
just this guy, you know, standing alone on ian curtis boulevard / sunday morning frozen, just gone nine / and even the moon has been left behind by the night, so careless, looking like a stain of bleach / like a close-up photo of how my head is feeling / oh please, I could do with some doghair right now / something wet to get the heart in tune, to keep my finger from shaking on the door buzzer / until this low-pitch squawk gets back to me
—who is it?
—I’m here to see donna
—who is it?
—it’s elliot, look…
—who is it?
oh shit, the door’s got nasty bouncer attitude / I only met this donna last night and I’m pretty sure she never mentioned a password
—who is it?
—shut the fuck up will yer, I’m thinking
—who is it?
I press my lips closer to the grille
—the bass player
* * * * *
STICKY STUFF
the door slides open, smooth as yer like / and I have maybe five seconds to get myself and the big case through before it closes again / closes like a bad-breath mouth around me / some kinda foyer, shuttered cloakroom to the left, ticket booth to the right / suddenly warm, like the building has a pulse beat / and no one around so I walk ahead, through into blank space
club zuum / the dance floor, shining away into the distance / heat-shivering
and dirty / with my shoes sticking to the spillage so much, feels like I can carry on walking, right up the walls, make out like a fly for the day / around the circle of the floor, where a couple of old ladies are cleaning up the plastic glasses, the cans, the swill, the vomit, the debris / I give the bomb squad a wave, and they look up and smile and wave back like a mirage / the club has that glazed ozone feel / molecules of evaporated sweat and perfume / the thousand-and-one come-ons still lingering, sticky ghosts of young desperate sex
—where’s the studio? I shout over
the women point me towards some steps / down / where a lone stiletto lies discarded, as though Cinderella has turned somewhat sluttish / a regular trash palace / along a corridor now / deserted / past offices all empty of life / maybe I got the wrong day or something
holy shit / what am I doing here? somebody tell me
just tracking down the traces / the sizzle and the traces of a stranger’s smile
when this big old domestic cat saunters out from one of the offices / a mangy, battle-scarred affair, all black and tattered fur / the flea magnet looks at me, like I’m a fool to even be here / and then waddles off down the corridor, flicking its tail like it owns the world
well what the hell / I follow / into another doorway
some fat guy standing near a kitchen counter, eating a breakfast burger
—what the fuck do you want?
—the studio?
—downstairs! down the fuckin’ stairs!
hey, nice people / I walk back into the corridor, thinking it’s maybe time to leave / no, really / when I see the cat again, sitting on its backside right next to a door / a wooden door this one, looks like a broom cupboard / open it / and there you go, more stairs, leading further downwards / into darkness / I look around for a light switch, find one / but it doesn’t work / of course it doesn’t / this is getting silly
the old cat’s looking at me / one eye is glued together with a clog of scum / the other’s giving me this real voodoo manic stare
ok, cat / let’s get to it
holding the case behind me, I follow the creature downwards / feeling for each step in turn / musty, cloying air / the damp on the walls meets the sweat on my skin / the drink being squeezed out of me / and down, and further down
some other kind of door at the bottom / no answer to my knocking / louder now, and still nothing / and then I swing the door open, letting the cat nip through my legs / I follow it through, into a recording suite / empty / a glass partition shows a room beyond / near darkness / but I can see people in there / at last / another door leads to them / I push it open
just standing there, holding the bass / looking through
* * * * *
HEAVY ON THE DOWNLOAD
oh yeah, I play the bass / the bass plays me / the four-stringed, thick-bellied, electrified monster, you know, the one that eats all other noises alive
and I’ve gone walking down these four strings most every hour of every day, of every year and every busted heartbeat, just trying to get along to where the last riff kisses the dark / the subsonic groove, we call it
dub culture / midnight’s vibration / something to reach for
some throat, some bottom, some neck and some deep clutch of riverpulse / gets you hot just strapping yourself into the thing / and the more you play, the hotter it gets, the slicker the slide / and all for nothing much because none of the songs you discover, ever come anywhere near to what you hear in your dreams
and I guess all that follows is about me taking a chance on the journey of the bass / and finally getting to reach the end of it / the end of the last tune, and what I find down there, in the grooves of the soul / and how come the music is always that one step beyond all the love you play it with / and how the bass ain’t got four strings at all
just when you think you’re getting the grip of it
how it’s got these other strings, invisible like / below the low, and deepcore / you gotta dive down underload to get a finger on them / and watch yourself doing it, watch yourself
those strings can pull you under, believe me
ah shit / believe me please
* * * * *
THE GLAMOUR
a room of smoke / with tiny lights glistening, red and green / instrument control patterns / figures in the gloom
—hey up
somebody speaks / turns on a lamp / the scene gets focused
three of them / two women, one man, seems like / and there I am, all eyes upon me
—you made it then?
it’s the voice / the smile / the one I’ve been following since last night / donna, that’s all I know / just this girl who came up to me after the gig, said she liked what I was doing with the beat and that she had a thing of her own going on, and maybe I could put some flavour to it
—just about, I answer
and who wouldn’t / who wouldn’t follow / round about nineteen, twenty at the most / check the style / the twisted nest of the hair-do / the tight capped tee-shirt / the tattoo on her arm, a playing card / and the dark dazzle of the skin / oh yeah, she’s black / kinda black / with the deep pool of the eyes / the big bold mouth, smeared with purple / all things about her filled to the brim / and so easy with the smile, it was there even when it wasn’t / but now it was, most definitely / and it’s aimed right at me
—what yer looking at? she asks
—you
—who the fuck’s this? says the other woman
—tommy, isn’t it? asks donna
ah shit, this girl is doing me down
—elliot
—come on then, elliot / don’t be shy
laughter
—yeah, fuck you as well
and then I step right into it / the studio, cramped to the walls with stuff / amps and mics and recording equipment / one entire wall, floor to ceiling, is vinyl records / the whole shebang wreathed in smoke / no outlet / ok, I’ve had a few thousand spliffs here and there, all down the line / but this is serious fog stew / gets me dizzy, just by breathing
now the woman who’s invited me, this donna, she’s leaning against an amp, smoking one of these rollmop constructions / smiles through the hit, and I smile right back when she holds out the joint to me
—no thanks
—what? she says / you don’t want any?
—not right now
—what’s wrong with yer?
—tell yer what / I wouldn’t mind a drink
now that gets her funny somehow / gets her looking around at the other two, with a feeling I can’t catch a hold of
—got this, she says
handing me a bottle of juice, like orange juice
—a drink I’m after
—it’s Sunday morning, she says
—yeah / and you’re at the dope already
—fuck me, says the other woman / we’ve got one here
—that you have / and what of it?
donna does the intros
herself/ the singer
the second woman, the one who just spoke up, she’s introduced as the dj, given the name jody / she’s sitting lonely behind a turntable deck, examining the grooves of a twelve-inch single / I get to see her frown one more time, that’s it / except / oh but the way she’s running her fingers over the vinyl surface, as though tracing / searching / feeling for buried treasure
now the guy / he’s lying on a small couch-bed affair, holding a pair of drumsticks / just tapping out some off-planet rhythm of his own / like, erm, the drummer I guess
donna nods towards him
—and this is 2spot, she says
2spot / well there yer go / neat black shirt, buttoned high to the neck / pale skin, drawn along the cheeks / high, dense sweep of blond hair greased back into a flattop quiff / sideburns sharpened, right down the groove of the bones / tough-nut style, but something a little bit fluffed about him, you know / a touch of the flowers / too sweet a smell, and a softness around him / like never a day’s work has been done / and maybe I’ve seen him around, maybe playing the drums somewhere, I don’t know / whatever, something coded passes between us / just in the brief nod he gives me / just that
and then donna points out the cat, curled atop an amplifier
—and this is gallagher, she says
—noel, or liam?
—paul, she says / and that’s the whole crew
meanwhile, the smoke’s really getting at me, bringing back stuff I don’t really need / so I take a swig of the juice offered / just to cool the throat of memories / and then donna says
—glam damage
—yer what?
—yeah, what do you think of that, as a name?
—well / I can see the glamour
looking at mad jody as I say this / and then at donna, adding
—and I can see the damage
the singer smiles deeply at the drummer / and then turns to jody
—there you go / he loves it / I told you so / I told you it was a good name
now this jody woman, she looks up at me, right at me / not a trace of expression
—you’re late, she says / supposed to be here at nine
—it’s what? I reply / twenty past?
—how would it be, if you turned up twenty minutes late / for a gig / how would that be?
—I got lost
—how would it be if you got lost?
—fuckin’ passwords and all that
—you get lost, on the way to a gig? would that be good?
—that wouldn’t happen / fuckin’ hell / what’s wrong with yer?
—yeah, come on jody, says donna / give him a chance
—you can fuck off as well
—oh, says jody / the guy’s got problems
—I’m getting pissed off, that’s all
so this jody stands up then / and for the first time I realise just what a specimen she is / a touch older than the other two, almost my age / but weird with it / I mean, there’s weird and weird, right / but jody was off the edge of normal and right along some / nothing to do with how she dressed, because that was scruff central, with a touch of couldn’t-give-a-monkey’s-tutu hippie shit / but her face, her whole manner, every last vein spoke of jitter, of flex, of what the fuck / body pinched shut, and so thin, the skin stretched taut over wire / black hair scraped to fit the skull, knife-edge whisper / and two of the coldest eyes that ever did view the world, I swear / they were eyes detuned, right through zero, and into the minus
reminds me of a bathroom mirror I once knew, the one I had to veil / turn to the wall / the peeling silver skin on the back of it / and that too, eventually, I could not dare approach
—you been here before? she asks
—what, down here?
—the zuum club?
—no
—you don’t like dance music?
—dance music, that’s what you do?
—kinda
—kinda?
—the next step, you know what I’m saying?
—fine / the next step / whatever
—how old are you?
—twenty-four
—twenty-four, and you don’t like dance music?
—ah, been off the scene a little / you know, out of it
—oh yeah, how far?
—what?
—how fuckin’ far have you been out?
—look / maybe I should go / eh?
—you backing out? says donna
—just wanna know what the score is, that’s all / I mean, you want a bass player / I am a bass player / I play the fuckin’ bass
—five or six bands, he’s in, says donna / right this moment
—five, six or seven bands, by the way
—nothing serious though, says donna / pub bands
—ooh, he’s played in bands before, says jody, with a darkside sneer / now us, you see, we ain’t played in any bands but this / this is a pure band
—no bands but this? how many gigs?
—no gigs
—together how long?
—together three months
—oh fuck me, a buncha babies / this really isn’t what I’m after, my friends
—just listen to us play, says donna / that’s all we want
I mean, tell me please, what would you do / come on, just to get the thing over and done and outa there / get myself some air, some proper juice inside me / some lube / some breakfast at the very least / so I give the nod, and
—right, says jody / scorched out for love / let’s do it
the drummer gets up from the lounger / this is a guy who hasn’t said one word to me / not one single word the whole time, not even to the other two / he gets up and just kinda slides into position behind the drum kit, sticks at the ready
well then, here we are / down to the wire
—crack it open, says jody
and the drummer hits the skin / down hard
