In the summer of 1949, as England began its long recovery from the war, a government inspector was sent to a junior school in one of the outlying districts of Manchester. The inspector’s name was Benjamin Marlow. A second-year class at the school had produced some rather interesting results in the recent exams, and it was Marlow’s appointment to investigate for any fraudulent behaviour in the schoolchildren. Cheating, in other words.The class was known as 2c. There were twenty-eight children in the class: sixteen boys and twelve girls, average age, eight years old. Their teacher’s name was Miss Geraldine Sayer. In the recent exams the class had performed normally in all subjects but one. The more than interesting anomaly was mathematics. In this subject, all but one of the children had scored marks above 78 per cent. Such excellence was deemed unacceptable.
When interviewed, the children could only point to Miss Sayer. The way they said the name, to Marlow’s ears, sounded very much like ‘Messiah’. When interviewed, Miss Sayer broke down in tears and started to roll around the classroom floor. She was covered in chalk dust. Marlow reports that she was speaking gibberish; ‘speaking in tongues’ is how he describes it, referring to old pagan rituals. He could make out only one phrase – ‘Play to win!’ – which she repeated, over and over. ‘Play to win, my children! Play to win!’
Two weeks later she was removed from her post, and the following week Benjamin Marlow took early retirement.
Play to Win
GAME 40
It was Domino Day in lucky old Manchester, and the natives were making love to the television, all glazen-eyed and drunken as the opening credits came into view. A tumbling ballet of dominoes, forever changing their spots. Dig that tumbling! Even the air was excited, loaded with messages, buzzing out loud. Blurbflies, singing the streets alive with adverts. Play to win! Play to win! And all over the city that wet Friday evening, three hours from midnight and surrounded by the rain, hordes of punters were clacking their little bones on coffee tables and bar tops, computer desks and kitchen counters, watching the dots pulsate in tune as the theme song started up.
It’s domino time! Domino time! Dom, dom, dom, dom, domino time!—Blurbflies
In offices and hospitals, bedsits and penthouses; all-night shopping malls and non-stop garages; in restaurants, cinemas and whorehouses; in cars and taxis, and even on the trains and buses; anywhere there was a private TV or a radio or a public screen, all the gamblers were stroking their hard- earned domino bones, hoping that Lady Luck would come up dancing, just for them.
Why not chance a throw?
You might as well have a go!
With your lucky little domino! —Blurbflies
Chaos fever 1999 style, running high. Bringing the city to stillness that night, and every Friday night, as the players steeled their hearts, took a collective breath, honed their bones, rubbed their lucky charms, chanted prayers to the gods of circumstance, sold their souls to the joker. As the blurbflies glittered through the rain, dive-bombing the people with sweet whispers.
Play to winSomewhere in all this stilled commotion, in each of their chosen locations, the various people who would later form the Dark Fractal Society were preparing their dominoes for the outcome. Maverick gamblers who would one day try to kill the game. One such player; a tousled, ragged blonde called Daisy Love.
Sure, an embarrassing name, and how she hated her parents for the privilege, but take a look. A sparkle-eyed eighteen-year- old. A first-year student of mathematics at the University of Manchester, studying Game Theory under the esteemed Professor Max Hackle. With a first-term report full of Hackle’s wonder at her grasp of the probabilities of losing, you would expect Daisy to be among that tiny bunch of killjoys who preferred not to play.
But no; here she was, glued to the black-and-white portable in her bedsit in Rusholme Village, clinging tightly to a single domino. Trying her best to ignore the scents of Lamb Rogan Josh and Chicken Tandoori, drifting up from the curry house downstairs. The Golden Samosa’s neon sign painted her window with an afterglow of colour, rippled by rain and the wing-flap of blurbs.
Daisy could ration herself to a single onion bhaji or a lonely poppadom, or even a foolhardy golden samosa, but a raging, full- on Rogan Josh with Pilau Technicoloured Rice? Leave it out. Way beyond her means. A Chef’s Special Chicken Tikka? Forget it. Daisy was on a scholarship; a small chunk of money from the university itself, because she was so good at the numbers. Just because Professor Hackle rated her. This weekly treat of an only bone was Daisy’s one wicked pleasure. A tiny handful of luck. Listen:
A little fun is hardly a sin,
You might as well play to win.
Dom, dom, dom, dom, domino time!
Domino time! Domino time! —Blurbflies
Who could resist such urgings? And even as the theme song played out, there came a knock upon Daisy’s door. Inevitably, it was Jazir Malik, first-born son of the Golden Samosa, from way down below in the curry pit. Trilby-hatted and sunglassy, he brought with him a stolen take-out of a one-meatball Beef Madras, a greasy piece of naan bread, some few sticky grains of plain boiled rice. Daisy knew that Jaz had the hot and spicies for her, but she was keeping him at bay, while gorging herself on his stolen curries. It wasn’t that she found him unattractive: in fact, Jaz Malik was heavenly gorgeous, once the hat and glasses came off. Skin the colour of twilight, a smile shining like a garlic slice of the moon. It wasn’t that he was too young, because Daisy felt herself younger than him, in many ways. And it wasn’t even that Daisy knew that Saeed, Jaz’s head chef of a father, would not be too pleased with his first-born consorting with a lily-white girl.
‘Here’s your dinner, love,’ said Jaz, his voice a complex mix of northern drawl and Asian lilt.
‘Cheers, Jaz.’ Daisy dug, straight off into the food.
‘Sorry I’m late. My father was grilling me about school. And he wants me waiting-on tonight. Hope I haven’t missed anything, love. Cookie hasn’t come on yet?’
‘No, it’s just beginning. Sit down. And stop calling me love.’
‘Why? It’s your name, isn’t it?’
‘You want some of this?’ Daisy shoved a forkful of beef under Jaz’s nose.
‘I’m stuffed. Had me a Jeezburger at the Whoomphy bar, earlier. Now shut up, please. Let’s watch.’
It was a ritual between them, this Friday-night viewing of the AnnoDomino show. Daisy and Jaz, watching the monitor. A sweep of the camera playing over the faces in the studio crowd; a sea of greed, screaming loud.
Play to win! Play to win!
Bumptious Tommy Tumbler came dancing into view, beaming his polished smile and in a vibrant suit of purple dots on orange. ‘Hello punters!’ he chanted. ‘All the way from the House of Chances!’ And the studio audience, and most of the city too, chanted back to him, ‘Hello, Tommy Tumbler! Good chances!’
‘Hello, Tommy Tumbler!’ shouted Jaz at the screen. ‘Oh please won’t you let Cookie Luck deliver me a winning bone this week? Oh pretty please!’
Daisy Love kept her chanting to herself, as usual. ‘So your dad’s playing up again, Jaz, about you going on to university?’
Jaz was almost seventeen, just a crazy kid really, in his final year at the well-heeled Didsbury High. Studying Maths and Physics, and good with it – tender meat for higher education.
‘My dad’s too damn proud,’ he replied, eyes stuck tight to the glitz of Tommy Tumbler. ‘You’re lucky not having one.’
Daisy looked at him, shocked. Jazir knew full well that she was an orphan, that her mum and dad were dead. That was the reason she was so poor; none of the usual luxuries: no loan from the parents, no birthday car, no carting of the laundry home.
‘But you know I think learning sucks,’ he continued, regardless. ‘I just want to be in business, that’s all. Away from my father’s clutches. I just want to sell some bad-arse gadgets on the filthy streets. It’s all about chance, isn’t it? Life and death; how we live and how we die, it’s all about chance. Shit, Daisy! You try your best at playing to win, only to find yourself playing to lose.’
‘Maybe I could help you, Jaz. With your exams—’
‘Will you leave off, love. The game’s about to start.’
‘OK punters!’ cried Tommy Tumbler. ‘Clack those bones together! Here she comes, the Queen of All Fortune! Lady Cookie Luck!’
Play to winThe whole city went wild with the gambling fever, as the screen fluttered into darkness. Pulses of music. Circles of light, starting to shine. An undulating darkness, littered with stars. Revealing the dancing queen of randomness. Cookie Luck’s skintight and black catsuit was snug-fit to the country’s dreams, an Emma Peel of forever and a long shot. Skintight black, constellated with an ever-changing fractal of white dots, like deep, deep stars, where all the good life lay waiting.
This is what the punters were playing for; the good life above the dour grime of Manchester. Lady Cookie Luck was a walking, talking, dancing, stalking, living, loving domino. A doll of numbers. And every Friday night, at precisely nine o’clock, after a whole week of changing, the dominatrix would dance herself into a climax. The dots on her body would settle, at last, into a winning pattern.
This is how it worked.
Each Lucky Domino cost a single puny unit. Any number of the bones could be bought during a week. In that time, your chosen bones would be forever rearranging their silvery pips, due to some deep, hidden, random mechanism. And all the punters would spend the week watching the bones dance, their eyes chock-full of dots. The I Ching, the rosary beads, the tarot cards, the horoscopes; all in the trash can. The AnnoDominoes replaced them all. And as Cookie’s costume at long last became Friday-night stilled, at the very same time, your lucky bones would solidify into a tight pattern. If any one of your dominoes even halfway coincided with the dancer’s fractal, then you were the winner of that week’s bumper collection: 100 punies for a half-cast; 10 million lovelies for a complete matching.
An undisclosed number of people won the 100; only one person won the 10 million. Just as long as Lady Luck favoured your chances.
Millions of lovelies, all for the cost of a single puny.
PLAY THE RULES
1a. The makers of the game will be the AnnoDomino Company of Manchester, England. Mister Million will be the Manager of Chances.
1b. The players of the game will be the populace of Manchester, England.
2a. AnnoDomino will implement the game in Manchester for a trial period of twelve months, fifty-one games all told; after which, if the Government so deems, the company will be allowed to introduce the dominoes to the whole of the United Kingdom.
2b. The populace of Manchester will be allowed to play the game for twelve months, during which time AnnoDomino will be allowed to measure the response.
3a. The game is sacrosanct.
Play to winGame forty, eleven to go. Almost nine o’clock, Manchester. Amid the swirl of rain on a road called Claremont, in a district called Moss Side, just south of Rusholme, three men were sitting in a parked car, keyed into the radio. The AnnoDomino channel, of course, where the sweet and sexy Cookie Luck was doing her dance of numbers, calling out the numbers. Visions of loveliness inside the head.
Three men in the car, another three students at the university. Two of them were studying Maths, the other studying Physics. One of them was much older than the other two. Two of them were white, the other one black. One of them was straight, another one gay, the third balanced evenly between the two. One of them was a virgin. One of them had a diamond through his nose. One was studying Pure Maths, another studying Computermatics, the third Genetic Calculus. Their names were Joe Crocus, DJ Dopejack and Sweet Benny Fenton. Not in any order. One of them had green hair. And no, not the gay one. Although the gay one did have the nose stud, twinkling in a fractal display. Three men; all of them gazing deep into their dominoes and listening up as Cookie’s invisible dance played over the waves, the last waltz of the world.
‘Lick my numbers, sweet Lady!’ one of them cried.
‘I’m starving!’ cried another. ‘Can we get a curry after this?’
‘Shut the fuck up, I’m concentrating!’ cried the last.
‘Dot shit!’ cried the first. ‘I just got a Joker Bone come up!’
‘You’re OK then,’ replied the second. ‘Look, it’s changed already.’
‘Sorted,’ said the third. ‘You never get a double-blank more than once a week. Everybody knows that.’
A blurbfly bounced off the windscreen, buzzing out loud its slogan.
‘Play to win!’ echoed the three men. ‘Play to fucking win!’
Play to winSomewhere else in Manchester, that very same moment, a young girl calling herself Little Miss Celia was standing amid a sodden crowd of cheap, down-market chancers, outside an all-night luxury store. There were seventeen and a half televisions for sale in the window, and all of them tuned into AnnoDomino. Even the homeless made sure a puny was put aside for each Friday night.
The homeless with their secret homes.
Here they are, the ragged brethren of society, the vagabonds, praying to whatever gods would still care to listen, clutching at their miserable puny bones like a last chance of escape, even as the blurbs fluttered around their heads in a halo of messages. ‘Get off me, you nasty flies!’ the youngest amongst them muttered at the troublesome cloud.
Play to win! Play to win!
Celia Hobart was only eight years old, and she had to stand on tiptoes to catch even the occasional glimpse of Cookie Luck’s dance through the pack of beggars and the haze of flies. She had long, straight, metallic-blond hair, in which a green-and-yellow bird’s feather was knotted. Celia had run away from home only a couple of months ago, during which time she had scraped together a meagre living. Celia hated begging for life, but she’d chosen to be a runaway. The first few days had been the worst, moving alone through the city, so young. Terrified, until discovering the brethren. The other vagabonds had taken her under their cover, united against normality, especially a big, old guy calling himself Eddie Irwell.
Eddie had found Celia one morning, queering his official begging hole in St Anne’s Square. ‘What the fuck is that shit in your hair?’ were his first words to her.
Celia, touching the feather, like a faraway magic wand.
‘This is Big Eddie Irwell speaking,’ the man continued, ‘and this is his fully paid for hole. Now get your half-arse out of my life.’
Eddie was the alpha beggar, with his real home hidden so deep.
Celia ran away, fearful of the big man, even as he settled his bulk into the tiniest of begging holes. But the very next day, there she was, back again, sitting in his hole long before the big guy was even awake, and a whole nano puny in her begging hat already. Eddie had chased her away once again, but ever after, and for the next six days, this little kid had beaten him to the hole. In the end, he gave up, more or less adopted the girl and street-christened her Little Miss Celia. He found her a personal hole on Deansgate Boulevard, right outside a bookshop – prime pitch – just to keep the girl out of his dreadlocks. Which turned into a kind of love.
Nine o’clock, almost striking.
The brethren of the streets were close and warm, despite the rain that almost always poured upon them, and now Irwell was gathering Celia up into his arms, and from there to his shoulders, from which mighty position she could finally see Cookie Luck dancing in all her changing glory. Celia kept glancing at her single domino and back at the screen, wafting away the blurbs, touching her feather. Wishing all the time, and with all of her heart, for Lady Luck to be kind upon this day, this special day.
Eddie always bought her a bone every week, a bone of her own. Four weeks ago Celia’s bone had come up half-cast, winning her 100 punies, but Eddie had claimed it all for himself, the cheat, only to spend it on ultrabooze and metaburgers. But this was Celia’s very first bone, bought with her own money, so she was wishing harder than ever. Special wishing.
Never before had she begged enough to spare, but last Saturday just gone, the kindest woman in the whole world (or else the richest, or else the poorest) had thrown a whole glistening pair of punies into Celia’s hole. The woman had then tried to step inside the bookshop, but Celia had stopped her dead. A clutch to the ankle from deep within the earth.
Thank you, kind miss,’ said Celia to the deliverer. ‘What’s your name, please?’
‘My name?’ The deliverer looked puzzled.
‘Just for the records, you understand. I have to declare all my earnings. To the town hall, you understand?’
‘Daisy,’ replied the deliverer.
‘Daisy? Nice name. You buying some books today?’
‘Selling them.’
‘Wow! You’ve got employment! Daisy what?’
‘Love.’
‘Daisy Love. How embarrassing!’
‘Tell me about it.’
‘Your mum and dad were neo-hippies, right?’
‘Please. I have a job to do.’
‘Daisy Love, be proud. You have saved a beggar’s soul this Saturday’s morn.’
‘Just go spend it. On something wise, please.’ You bet your life! Celia spent one of the punies on a full English breakfast and banana milkquake at the local Whoomphy’s burger bar, and the other on a domino. Of course, Eddie Irwell still had to buy the bone for her, Celia being far too young to gamble. But surely this week was different…
‘Just make my numbers come up, sweet and lovely Cookie Luck!’ Celia was calling out to the dancing stars, her small voice lost amongst the screams and urges and the rabid desires of the begging crew. ‘Just deliver me away! Somewhere good, please. Somewhere ever so beautiful.’ As the blurbs flew in convoy round her head, twinkling like all the forever lost chances, all the forever yet-to-come chances.
Dancing, dancing, number fallout.
PLAY THE RULES
3a. The game is sacrosanct.
3b. AnnoDomino may not coerce any of the populace into playing the game.
3c. The populace may play, or not play, according to their wishes.
3d. 0.01% of the purchase price of every domino will go to charity. All parties will adhere to this ruling.
Play to winAnd still the dance continued, playing the punters like a city of lovers. Daisy Love had her only bone tight in her fingers; Jaz had his five spicy chances arranged in a circle on Daisy’s Formica coffee table; both of them watching in awe, as the dots on their bones slowly settled down in tune with Cookie Luck’s body.
‘Play to win!’ shouted Tommy Tumbler from the TV screen.
‘Yes! Come on, my beauty!’ shouted Jaz to the faraway TV dancer. ‘Even a measly half-cast would do! Just don’t let the Joker Bone come calling!’
‘Cookie can’t hear you from here,’ said Daisy.
‘You want a slice of hot root?’ Jaz cut some shreds from a pungent garlic bulb.
‘Ultragarlic? No thanks. I’m clean.’
‘Clean as a blank bone, sure. Virgin-style.’
‘I’ve got my assignments to do. I need a clear head.’
Jaz Malik laughed and then swallowed two whole slices of the ultragarlic. His breath went sordid, his mind rainbow. Sunglassed eyes back to the dancing screen. ‘Come on and dance for me, you fucking bitch of all bones!’
Nine o’clock chimes, and at last…
‘Game on!’ chants Tommy Tumbler. ‘Play to win!’
‘Game fucking on!’ chants back Jaz.
And at a long last…
That’s the way! That’s the way!
That’s the way the cookie crumbles! —Blurbflies
Mister Million has deemed it so.
A five. A three. A five and a three. The stars of Lady Luck fall into the shape of a five-and-a-three bone: one dot on each nipple, another on her navel, two more on each of her kidneys; and, below the dividing-line belt of her domino costume, a single on her left hip, another on her crotch, a final on her right thigh. Eight pips of chaos, finally found on a field of sexy black. And all over the city, that exact moment of surrender, countless punters banged down their losing bones in frustration. And Daisy Love was just another loser, her single lonely domino coming up with only a measly two-and-a-four configuration. Jazir Malik, the same loser; his big fistful of chances delivering nothing but mismatches.
‘Fuck it!’ said Jaz.
Game over. Manchester sighs.
Two more losers; another few ounces of money lost to the beast. Another cityful of losers. Daisy and Jaz could only gaze through neon tears of rain as their dominoes went totally cream, used-up and invalid.
Dead bones.
‘Somebody, somewhere,’ called out Tommy Tumbler from the city’s screens, ‘just won themselves ten million lovelies! Remember, my friends, my losers, next week is another game. Another chance to win. Purchase in advance.’
Purchase in advance! sang the blurbs on the street. Play to win!
Jaz switched off the TV in disgust. ‘Fuck that winning shit! Would you like to kiss me now, Daisy, please?’ he asked. ‘Just for some comfort in losing?’
‘With that stink on your breath? I think not.’
‘OK. Fine. What you doing tomorrow night, for instance?’
‘Tomorrow night? Nothing much. Why?’
‘You want to do nothing much with me? I’m going down the Snake Lounge club. DJ Dopejack’s spinning the decks. You know Dopejack? He’s in the second year at your college? Some silly guy on the computers. You up for it?’
‘Jaz, you’re too young to go to a club.’
‘I can get in there. Got contacts.’
‘Next week, maybe.’
‘Next week it is. Definite.’
‘I’m not saying definite. I’m backed up with assignments.’
‘Assignments, shit! Jaz is gone.’
Play to winFifty-seven separate punters were now raising a small cheer at having won a half-cast, the five or the three, still pulsing on their dominoes and 100 punies to collect before tomorrow’s midnight. One of these punters was killed for having won so much; it was his second win in the last few weeks, and some loser was too jealous of him. Whilst some more innocent stranger, somewhere else, held tightly on to a living bone; the full and magical five- and-a-three combination.
Chosen combination! Winning hand! Golden hand! Play to win!
Because when you won the big one, you didn’t have to collect the prize; the prize came to collect you. The 10 million lovelies of a domino’s kiss, delivered by Cookie Luck herself. The curvaceous ghost of numbers, coming out of nowhere, coming out of television, to drag you down, screaming with pleasure.
As the blurbflies fluttered through the darkness, singing out loud.
PLAY TO WIN
When interviewed, the children could only point to Miss Sayer. The way they said the name, to Marlow’s ears, sounded very much like ‘Messiah’. When interviewed, Miss Sayer broke down in tears and started to roll around the classroom floor. She was covered in chalk dust. Marlow reports that she was speaking gibberish; ‘speaking in tongues’ is how he describes it, referring to old pagan rituals. He could make out only one phrase – ‘Play to win!’ – which she repeated, over and over. ‘Play to win, my children! Play to win!’
Two weeks later she was removed from her post, and the following week Benjamin Marlow took early retirement.
Play to Win
GAME 40
It was Domino Day in lucky old Manchester, and the natives were making love to the television, all glazen-eyed and drunken as the opening credits came into view. A tumbling ballet of dominoes, forever changing their spots. Dig that tumbling! Even the air was excited, loaded with messages, buzzing out loud. Blurbflies, singing the streets alive with adverts. Play to win! Play to win! And all over the city that wet Friday evening, three hours from midnight and surrounded by the rain, hordes of punters were clacking their little bones on coffee tables and bar tops, computer desks and kitchen counters, watching the dots pulsate in tune as the theme song started up.
It’s domino time! Domino time! Dom, dom, dom, dom, domino time!—Blurbflies
In offices and hospitals, bedsits and penthouses; all-night shopping malls and non-stop garages; in restaurants, cinemas and whorehouses; in cars and taxis, and even on the trains and buses; anywhere there was a private TV or a radio or a public screen, all the gamblers were stroking their hard- earned domino bones, hoping that Lady Luck would come up dancing, just for them.
Why not chance a throw?
You might as well have a go!
With your lucky little domino! —Blurbflies
Chaos fever 1999 style, running high. Bringing the city to stillness that night, and every Friday night, as the players steeled their hearts, took a collective breath, honed their bones, rubbed their lucky charms, chanted prayers to the gods of circumstance, sold their souls to the joker. As the blurbflies glittered through the rain, dive-bombing the people with sweet whispers.
Play to winSomewhere in all this stilled commotion, in each of their chosen locations, the various people who would later form the Dark Fractal Society were preparing their dominoes for the outcome. Maverick gamblers who would one day try to kill the game. One such player; a tousled, ragged blonde called Daisy Love.
Sure, an embarrassing name, and how she hated her parents for the privilege, but take a look. A sparkle-eyed eighteen-year- old. A first-year student of mathematics at the University of Manchester, studying Game Theory under the esteemed Professor Max Hackle. With a first-term report full of Hackle’s wonder at her grasp of the probabilities of losing, you would expect Daisy to be among that tiny bunch of killjoys who preferred not to play.
But no; here she was, glued to the black-and-white portable in her bedsit in Rusholme Village, clinging tightly to a single domino. Trying her best to ignore the scents of Lamb Rogan Josh and Chicken Tandoori, drifting up from the curry house downstairs. The Golden Samosa’s neon sign painted her window with an afterglow of colour, rippled by rain and the wing-flap of blurbs.
Daisy could ration herself to a single onion bhaji or a lonely poppadom, or even a foolhardy golden samosa, but a raging, full- on Rogan Josh with Pilau Technicoloured Rice? Leave it out. Way beyond her means. A Chef’s Special Chicken Tikka? Forget it. Daisy was on a scholarship; a small chunk of money from the university itself, because she was so good at the numbers. Just because Professor Hackle rated her. This weekly treat of an only bone was Daisy’s one wicked pleasure. A tiny handful of luck. Listen:
A little fun is hardly a sin,
You might as well play to win.
Dom, dom, dom, dom, domino time!
Domino time! Domino time! —Blurbflies
Who could resist such urgings? And even as the theme song played out, there came a knock upon Daisy’s door. Inevitably, it was Jazir Malik, first-born son of the Golden Samosa, from way down below in the curry pit. Trilby-hatted and sunglassy, he brought with him a stolen take-out of a one-meatball Beef Madras, a greasy piece of naan bread, some few sticky grains of plain boiled rice. Daisy knew that Jaz had the hot and spicies for her, but she was keeping him at bay, while gorging herself on his stolen curries. It wasn’t that she found him unattractive: in fact, Jaz Malik was heavenly gorgeous, once the hat and glasses came off. Skin the colour of twilight, a smile shining like a garlic slice of the moon. It wasn’t that he was too young, because Daisy felt herself younger than him, in many ways. And it wasn’t even that Daisy knew that Saeed, Jaz’s head chef of a father, would not be too pleased with his first-born consorting with a lily-white girl.
‘Here’s your dinner, love,’ said Jaz, his voice a complex mix of northern drawl and Asian lilt.
‘Cheers, Jaz.’ Daisy dug, straight off into the food.
‘Sorry I’m late. My father was grilling me about school. And he wants me waiting-on tonight. Hope I haven’t missed anything, love. Cookie hasn’t come on yet?’
‘No, it’s just beginning. Sit down. And stop calling me love.’
‘Why? It’s your name, isn’t it?’
‘You want some of this?’ Daisy shoved a forkful of beef under Jaz’s nose.
‘I’m stuffed. Had me a Jeezburger at the Whoomphy bar, earlier. Now shut up, please. Let’s watch.’
It was a ritual between them, this Friday-night viewing of the AnnoDomino show. Daisy and Jaz, watching the monitor. A sweep of the camera playing over the faces in the studio crowd; a sea of greed, screaming loud.
Play to win! Play to win!
Bumptious Tommy Tumbler came dancing into view, beaming his polished smile and in a vibrant suit of purple dots on orange. ‘Hello punters!’ he chanted. ‘All the way from the House of Chances!’ And the studio audience, and most of the city too, chanted back to him, ‘Hello, Tommy Tumbler! Good chances!’
‘Hello, Tommy Tumbler!’ shouted Jaz at the screen. ‘Oh please won’t you let Cookie Luck deliver me a winning bone this week? Oh pretty please!’
Daisy Love kept her chanting to herself, as usual. ‘So your dad’s playing up again, Jaz, about you going on to university?’
Jaz was almost seventeen, just a crazy kid really, in his final year at the well-heeled Didsbury High. Studying Maths and Physics, and good with it – tender meat for higher education.
‘My dad’s too damn proud,’ he replied, eyes stuck tight to the glitz of Tommy Tumbler. ‘You’re lucky not having one.’
Daisy looked at him, shocked. Jazir knew full well that she was an orphan, that her mum and dad were dead. That was the reason she was so poor; none of the usual luxuries: no loan from the parents, no birthday car, no carting of the laundry home.
‘But you know I think learning sucks,’ he continued, regardless. ‘I just want to be in business, that’s all. Away from my father’s clutches. I just want to sell some bad-arse gadgets on the filthy streets. It’s all about chance, isn’t it? Life and death; how we live and how we die, it’s all about chance. Shit, Daisy! You try your best at playing to win, only to find yourself playing to lose.’
‘Maybe I could help you, Jaz. With your exams—’
‘Will you leave off, love. The game’s about to start.’
‘OK punters!’ cried Tommy Tumbler. ‘Clack those bones together! Here she comes, the Queen of All Fortune! Lady Cookie Luck!’
Play to winThe whole city went wild with the gambling fever, as the screen fluttered into darkness. Pulses of music. Circles of light, starting to shine. An undulating darkness, littered with stars. Revealing the dancing queen of randomness. Cookie Luck’s skintight and black catsuit was snug-fit to the country’s dreams, an Emma Peel of forever and a long shot. Skintight black, constellated with an ever-changing fractal of white dots, like deep, deep stars, where all the good life lay waiting.
This is what the punters were playing for; the good life above the dour grime of Manchester. Lady Cookie Luck was a walking, talking, dancing, stalking, living, loving domino. A doll of numbers. And every Friday night, at precisely nine o’clock, after a whole week of changing, the dominatrix would dance herself into a climax. The dots on her body would settle, at last, into a winning pattern.
This is how it worked.
Each Lucky Domino cost a single puny unit. Any number of the bones could be bought during a week. In that time, your chosen bones would be forever rearranging their silvery pips, due to some deep, hidden, random mechanism. And all the punters would spend the week watching the bones dance, their eyes chock-full of dots. The I Ching, the rosary beads, the tarot cards, the horoscopes; all in the trash can. The AnnoDominoes replaced them all. And as Cookie’s costume at long last became Friday-night stilled, at the very same time, your lucky bones would solidify into a tight pattern. If any one of your dominoes even halfway coincided with the dancer’s fractal, then you were the winner of that week’s bumper collection: 100 punies for a half-cast; 10 million lovelies for a complete matching.
An undisclosed number of people won the 100; only one person won the 10 million. Just as long as Lady Luck favoured your chances.
Millions of lovelies, all for the cost of a single puny.
PLAY THE RULES
1a. The makers of the game will be the AnnoDomino Company of Manchester, England. Mister Million will be the Manager of Chances.
1b. The players of the game will be the populace of Manchester, England.
2a. AnnoDomino will implement the game in Manchester for a trial period of twelve months, fifty-one games all told; after which, if the Government so deems, the company will be allowed to introduce the dominoes to the whole of the United Kingdom.
2b. The populace of Manchester will be allowed to play the game for twelve months, during which time AnnoDomino will be allowed to measure the response.
3a. The game is sacrosanct.
Play to winGame forty, eleven to go. Almost nine o’clock, Manchester. Amid the swirl of rain on a road called Claremont, in a district called Moss Side, just south of Rusholme, three men were sitting in a parked car, keyed into the radio. The AnnoDomino channel, of course, where the sweet and sexy Cookie Luck was doing her dance of numbers, calling out the numbers. Visions of loveliness inside the head.
Three men in the car, another three students at the university. Two of them were studying Maths, the other studying Physics. One of them was much older than the other two. Two of them were white, the other one black. One of them was straight, another one gay, the third balanced evenly between the two. One of them was a virgin. One of them had a diamond through his nose. One was studying Pure Maths, another studying Computermatics, the third Genetic Calculus. Their names were Joe Crocus, DJ Dopejack and Sweet Benny Fenton. Not in any order. One of them had green hair. And no, not the gay one. Although the gay one did have the nose stud, twinkling in a fractal display. Three men; all of them gazing deep into their dominoes and listening up as Cookie’s invisible dance played over the waves, the last waltz of the world.
‘Lick my numbers, sweet Lady!’ one of them cried.
‘I’m starving!’ cried another. ‘Can we get a curry after this?’
‘Shut the fuck up, I’m concentrating!’ cried the last.
‘Dot shit!’ cried the first. ‘I just got a Joker Bone come up!’
‘You’re OK then,’ replied the second. ‘Look, it’s changed already.’
‘Sorted,’ said the third. ‘You never get a double-blank more than once a week. Everybody knows that.’
A blurbfly bounced off the windscreen, buzzing out loud its slogan.
‘Play to win!’ echoed the three men. ‘Play to fucking win!’
Play to winSomewhere else in Manchester, that very same moment, a young girl calling herself Little Miss Celia was standing amid a sodden crowd of cheap, down-market chancers, outside an all-night luxury store. There were seventeen and a half televisions for sale in the window, and all of them tuned into AnnoDomino. Even the homeless made sure a puny was put aside for each Friday night.
The homeless with their secret homes.
Here they are, the ragged brethren of society, the vagabonds, praying to whatever gods would still care to listen, clutching at their miserable puny bones like a last chance of escape, even as the blurbs fluttered around their heads in a halo of messages. ‘Get off me, you nasty flies!’ the youngest amongst them muttered at the troublesome cloud.
Play to win! Play to win!
Celia Hobart was only eight years old, and she had to stand on tiptoes to catch even the occasional glimpse of Cookie Luck’s dance through the pack of beggars and the haze of flies. She had long, straight, metallic-blond hair, in which a green-and-yellow bird’s feather was knotted. Celia had run away from home only a couple of months ago, during which time she had scraped together a meagre living. Celia hated begging for life, but she’d chosen to be a runaway. The first few days had been the worst, moving alone through the city, so young. Terrified, until discovering the brethren. The other vagabonds had taken her under their cover, united against normality, especially a big, old guy calling himself Eddie Irwell.
Eddie had found Celia one morning, queering his official begging hole in St Anne’s Square. ‘What the fuck is that shit in your hair?’ were his first words to her.
Celia, touching the feather, like a faraway magic wand.
‘This is Big Eddie Irwell speaking,’ the man continued, ‘and this is his fully paid for hole. Now get your half-arse out of my life.’
Eddie was the alpha beggar, with his real home hidden so deep.
Celia ran away, fearful of the big man, even as he settled his bulk into the tiniest of begging holes. But the very next day, there she was, back again, sitting in his hole long before the big guy was even awake, and a whole nano puny in her begging hat already. Eddie had chased her away once again, but ever after, and for the next six days, this little kid had beaten him to the hole. In the end, he gave up, more or less adopted the girl and street-christened her Little Miss Celia. He found her a personal hole on Deansgate Boulevard, right outside a bookshop – prime pitch – just to keep the girl out of his dreadlocks. Which turned into a kind of love.
Nine o’clock, almost striking.
The brethren of the streets were close and warm, despite the rain that almost always poured upon them, and now Irwell was gathering Celia up into his arms, and from there to his shoulders, from which mighty position she could finally see Cookie Luck dancing in all her changing glory. Celia kept glancing at her single domino and back at the screen, wafting away the blurbs, touching her feather. Wishing all the time, and with all of her heart, for Lady Luck to be kind upon this day, this special day.
Eddie always bought her a bone every week, a bone of her own. Four weeks ago Celia’s bone had come up half-cast, winning her 100 punies, but Eddie had claimed it all for himself, the cheat, only to spend it on ultrabooze and metaburgers. But this was Celia’s very first bone, bought with her own money, so she was wishing harder than ever. Special wishing.
Never before had she begged enough to spare, but last Saturday just gone, the kindest woman in the whole world (or else the richest, or else the poorest) had thrown a whole glistening pair of punies into Celia’s hole. The woman had then tried to step inside the bookshop, but Celia had stopped her dead. A clutch to the ankle from deep within the earth.
Thank you, kind miss,’ said Celia to the deliverer. ‘What’s your name, please?’
‘My name?’ The deliverer looked puzzled.
‘Just for the records, you understand. I have to declare all my earnings. To the town hall, you understand?’
‘Daisy,’ replied the deliverer.
‘Daisy? Nice name. You buying some books today?’
‘Selling them.’
‘Wow! You’ve got employment! Daisy what?’
‘Love.’
‘Daisy Love. How embarrassing!’
‘Tell me about it.’
‘Your mum and dad were neo-hippies, right?’
‘Please. I have a job to do.’
‘Daisy Love, be proud. You have saved a beggar’s soul this Saturday’s morn.’
‘Just go spend it. On something wise, please.’ You bet your life! Celia spent one of the punies on a full English breakfast and banana milkquake at the local Whoomphy’s burger bar, and the other on a domino. Of course, Eddie Irwell still had to buy the bone for her, Celia being far too young to gamble. But surely this week was different…
‘Just make my numbers come up, sweet and lovely Cookie Luck!’ Celia was calling out to the dancing stars, her small voice lost amongst the screams and urges and the rabid desires of the begging crew. ‘Just deliver me away! Somewhere good, please. Somewhere ever so beautiful.’ As the blurbs flew in convoy round her head, twinkling like all the forever lost chances, all the forever yet-to-come chances.
Dancing, dancing, number fallout.
PLAY THE RULES
3a. The game is sacrosanct.
3b. AnnoDomino may not coerce any of the populace into playing the game.
3c. The populace may play, or not play, according to their wishes.
3d. 0.01% of the purchase price of every domino will go to charity. All parties will adhere to this ruling.
Play to winAnd still the dance continued, playing the punters like a city of lovers. Daisy Love had her only bone tight in her fingers; Jaz had his five spicy chances arranged in a circle on Daisy’s Formica coffee table; both of them watching in awe, as the dots on their bones slowly settled down in tune with Cookie Luck’s body.
‘Play to win!’ shouted Tommy Tumbler from the TV screen.
‘Yes! Come on, my beauty!’ shouted Jaz to the faraway TV dancer. ‘Even a measly half-cast would do! Just don’t let the Joker Bone come calling!’
‘Cookie can’t hear you from here,’ said Daisy.
‘You want a slice of hot root?’ Jaz cut some shreds from a pungent garlic bulb.
‘Ultragarlic? No thanks. I’m clean.’
‘Clean as a blank bone, sure. Virgin-style.’
‘I’ve got my assignments to do. I need a clear head.’
Jaz Malik laughed and then swallowed two whole slices of the ultragarlic. His breath went sordid, his mind rainbow. Sunglassed eyes back to the dancing screen. ‘Come on and dance for me, you fucking bitch of all bones!’
Nine o’clock chimes, and at last…
‘Game on!’ chants Tommy Tumbler. ‘Play to win!’
‘Game fucking on!’ chants back Jaz.
And at a long last…
That’s the way! That’s the way!
That’s the way the cookie crumbles! —Blurbflies
Mister Million has deemed it so.
A five. A three. A five and a three. The stars of Lady Luck fall into the shape of a five-and-a-three bone: one dot on each nipple, another on her navel, two more on each of her kidneys; and, below the dividing-line belt of her domino costume, a single on her left hip, another on her crotch, a final on her right thigh. Eight pips of chaos, finally found on a field of sexy black. And all over the city, that exact moment of surrender, countless punters banged down their losing bones in frustration. And Daisy Love was just another loser, her single lonely domino coming up with only a measly two-and-a-four configuration. Jazir Malik, the same loser; his big fistful of chances delivering nothing but mismatches.
‘Fuck it!’ said Jaz.
Game over. Manchester sighs.
Two more losers; another few ounces of money lost to the beast. Another cityful of losers. Daisy and Jaz could only gaze through neon tears of rain as their dominoes went totally cream, used-up and invalid.
Dead bones.
‘Somebody, somewhere,’ called out Tommy Tumbler from the city’s screens, ‘just won themselves ten million lovelies! Remember, my friends, my losers, next week is another game. Another chance to win. Purchase in advance.’
Purchase in advance! sang the blurbs on the street. Play to win!
Jaz switched off the TV in disgust. ‘Fuck that winning shit! Would you like to kiss me now, Daisy, please?’ he asked. ‘Just for some comfort in losing?’
‘With that stink on your breath? I think not.’
‘OK. Fine. What you doing tomorrow night, for instance?’
‘Tomorrow night? Nothing much. Why?’
‘You want to do nothing much with me? I’m going down the Snake Lounge club. DJ Dopejack’s spinning the decks. You know Dopejack? He’s in the second year at your college? Some silly guy on the computers. You up for it?’
‘Jaz, you’re too young to go to a club.’
‘I can get in there. Got contacts.’
‘Next week, maybe.’
‘Next week it is. Definite.’
‘I’m not saying definite. I’m backed up with assignments.’
‘Assignments, shit! Jaz is gone.’
Play to winFifty-seven separate punters were now raising a small cheer at having won a half-cast, the five or the three, still pulsing on their dominoes and 100 punies to collect before tomorrow’s midnight. One of these punters was killed for having won so much; it was his second win in the last few weeks, and some loser was too jealous of him. Whilst some more innocent stranger, somewhere else, held tightly on to a living bone; the full and magical five- and-a-three combination.
Chosen combination! Winning hand! Golden hand! Play to win!
Because when you won the big one, you didn’t have to collect the prize; the prize came to collect you. The 10 million lovelies of a domino’s kiss, delivered by Cookie Luck herself. The curvaceous ghost of numbers, coming out of nowhere, coming out of television, to drag you down, screaming with pleasure.
As the blurbflies fluttered through the darkness, singing out loud.
PLAY TO WIN